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C H A T R O O M

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Thinking..

11:18 PM - Thursday, November 6, 2008

This thought just suddenly dawned on me of having my blog shift.. Well, I mean changing my blog url.. Or getting a new blog.. This blog has about 70 post excluding this post.. But those are the memories that I don't wanna keep holding on.. I seriously just feel like crying when the images appear infront of my eyes.. This is really pissing me off.. Those memories will keep flowing backwards to me whenever my eyes are set upon the images.. Argh.. Tears are always threatening to fall off my cheeks.. I'm seriously annoyed by this.. Keeping it cool during the day are all that I could do to hide those feelings away.. I'm seriously a damn emo person during the night.. Maybe not that damn emo.. But the emotions of mine appears during the night more.. Don't wonder why.. I don't even know why too, probably its because theres nobody in the night to disturb you or talk to you.. Could have be that in the night one would have always reflect during the day.. I just don't know..

~~Argh.. All these thoughts are just giving a bloody damned misery to ME.~~

Yesterday I saw the PM at MSN..

>> why change someone .. when u know her the way she is.. this is wad i ask myself ..

To me this is like 'Seriously, are you trying to be kidding me? This is so bloody goddamned mother fucking piece of shit.' The last part was whenever I thought of it, it makes my blood boil for some reason..

I for fucking hell's sake change for you. Tolerate your goddamned attitude. [ Talk about mine? I'm already damn nice when I gave my attitude. ] Did everything trying not to be so darn angry.. Apologize for things that I'm actually not wrong. FUCK. The more I carry on typing is just leaving me in disgust, agony, pain, sadness, disappointment, and damn emo.

Fuck, can you just imagine what the hell am I doing now? Maybe you'd guess it right.. Yeah, I'm crying. Finall cried out again ever since the day that we broke up. Other days are just on the verge of coming out from the eyes.. I'm still trying to control.. What the fuck I did to have this type of shiets to happen on me.? Changing for you and WTF I GET? Nothing. I'm that miserable, pathetic. Hoping to forget all these stuffs, even though its hard to forget everything in such a short possible time. I'm controlling the tears as I'm typing.. Argh.. Its hard to stop those tears once after they fall.. I don't care if you're reading or not.. I hope you don't. Keeping myself busy in the day isn't a matter as there are friends to be with.. Once I'm home, I will occupy myself to do things, watch manga online, going to Quizzilla to read stories or watch movies to occupy myself.. Its possible to block the thinking.. But whenever the images just appears infront of my eyes, I just have the tears welled up in the eyes.. Over the past few days my left eye kept on twitching with the verge of crying.. Though it always made me teary at the left eye, but I force myself to 'take the tear off'. I will then just carry on my things as norm.. I know maybe some of you will MSN me after reading this post.. Or sms.. Or whatever it is.. Thanks for it..

I seriously wished that the 'Meng Po Cha' [ Dream Aunty Tea? Thats what you get for direct translation from me.. ] is real, man.. I seriously need it.. Or just wished that my mind is overly obsessed with books and more books rather than stupid things that kill your braincells and making yourself for being so dumb to be in this situation. I SERIOUSLY HATE THIS SITUATION DAMN IT. MEMORIES ARE IRREPLACEABLE.. SO WHAT ? EVEN IF THEY IRREPLACEABLE, I WANT THEM TO BE FORGOTTEN DAMN IT.. I'M LIVING IN AGONY FOR FUCK SAKE. KEEP THINKING TO MYSELF THAT THERE WILL BE NO GUYS THAT WILL MAKE A GIRL CRY.. BUT WHAT FUCK IS THIS? TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN THE CHEEKS OF GIRLS THAT ARE HURT BY THE BOYFRIENDS. ALL THESE ARE BULLSHITS. 4 Relationships 4 cryings. Does it goes on? TRUSTING THE ONES THAT I THOUGHT I LOVED SO DEARLY ARE JUST FUCKING BIG MISTAKES. Talk about being vulgarity, I'm being one now.. From all these shiets, I had enough. Yet, here is the only place that I can entirely vent on with my thoughts without giving a damn to what others would actually think about me.. Say I'm being a damn vulgar person? I'm unreasonable? I'm not understanding? So be it. I cared others' opinions, but this I wouldn't care.. I do what I want.. I'm seriously tired from everything, if that is someone who could take my agony away, I will be grateful. Its life ain't it? Full of choices right? I guess I'm being dumb in choosing the one that I'll get hurt.

Sigh, I don't what to carry on posting anymore.. Just feel the tiredness from everything.. Hell.. If there is a tap to tears I will seal the tap permanently to stop the tears from flowing unnecessarily..

- Memories, images, and you are haunting on me.. -

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you over again.